What he said !
Java certs are far from valueless but are not strictly required, the SCJP is not a bad sylabus to learn programming fundamentals. You could certainly do worse than pick up Java and follow the SCJP track, its a fairly reasonable approach and approximates what many colleges do around the world anyway.
Alternatively you could try learn something funky like Ruby or Python, also free.
You could learn C# .Net, also a fairly safe bet and free for runtime and Express IDE also free. You can try .Net code out interactively in Windows Powershell.
If you really wanted to go crazy you could look at XNA or silverlight.
These are just the current in vogue languages, theres as many more if none of these suit...
Its whatever works and makes it meaningful for you really.